Communication

Lately, I don’t know if it’s because of COVID or the civil unrest happening, but I find myself in more and more difficult conversations where people express anger because they are misunderstood. I can’t remember a time when the volume of verbal strifes have increased and people are putting blame or acting defensive because of what was said or how it was said. It seems that every person that I’ve talked to has expressed a recent argument that they’ve had with a partner, child, co-worker, or friend and the bane of the disagreement happens to center around communication, or more accurately, the lack of communication.

Being able to effectively communicate is a life long skill, and sometimes it’s the difference between going to bed angry or a happy, or a life or death situation with the police, or a job offer or job rejection. So much power and fate can be determined by what someone chooses to say and how they choose to express it.

Recently my partner and I had a quarrel because of Twitch. In short, I was upset because we both agreed that his live radio show would only be 1 hour a day. Well, lately it’s been more than an hour and this compromised our schedule for dinner, chores and most especially my mental health. I desperately need peace and quiet after work, which is also the same time his twitch show begins. Because of the fires, I can’t go outside and because we live in a one story condo- there’s no other place to escape the noise. I want to be supportive of my hubby’s outlet, but we agreed on a time limit, and he wasn’t honoring that. We talked about it and came to a compromise- 45 minutes day. In retrospect, this was a trivial fight, but I think it could have potentially led to a more serious one. With all the previous practice we’ve had with conflict resolution, I think we’re getting better with communicating our needs.

One thing about sheltering in place is that it’s forcing me and I imagine many couples and relationships to have the difficult conversations. Being at home, day after day, month after month, it’s natural that people will disagree. Being in each other’s space, with no respite sounds like a recipe for many verbal altercations. We’re all either going to come out of sheltering in place as expert communicators or a better version of our former selves. I know that I’m not an expert and I probably will never be when it comes to communicating with my partner, but I’m content with the progress we’re making and glad that rather than crying and giving each other the silent treatment, we’re talking, even when it seems like the most impossible and difficult thing to do.

Here we are “communicating” how to take pictures in front of our new place.

Twitch

There’s a new routine on Fridays: Twitch and the chat room.My husband, who is a dj, introduced me to twitch, a streaming app/ website where creators, like DJs, can host streams while participants engage by following, subscribing, and using the chat room and emotes. I’ve been watching Twitch on Friday nights and it’s a full VIBE. My screen is literally lit with green screen overlays, Djs talking on the microphone giving love to all the people in the chat and emotes such as janet jackson, clinking shot glasses and dancing silhouettes. Who would have thought that a simple streaming app could be so much fun? I jump to different streams and i”m immediately greeted in the chat room with friendly texts and emotes, some from people I don’t even know but have built a familiarity based on their twitch handle.
What I appreciate the most about twitch is that each DJ has their own unique style and format. If I want to listen to 90s music, I’ll check out Dj Verz, If I want a quick mix, I’ll check out DJ Mel, If I want a chill vibe I’ll tune into DJ Umami. What ever I’m feeling, I can easily find a DJ that will match my mood and a chat filled with folks who are in the same spirit.
It’s a culture that has its language: emote, raid, twitch, affiliate, bit, moderator, lurker, overlay, cheer, train. Believe it or not, as odd as these terms are, they have been part of my daily colloquial. It’s strange to go even for a day without saying the phrase “what emote should I use for the raid”? A few weeks ago I would have never uttered the words, let alone know what they meant. But here I am speaking twitch adages as if I’ve spoken them my entire life.
It’s great to see DJs evolve and move their passion to twitch. With bars and clubs closed, twitch has become a new home for music lovers and while I haven’t been to a club in years, even way before sheltering in place, I definitely have found a new home where I don’t mind twitching.

3 reasons to live with a DJ

1. The Dj will always have music for you
2. The DJ will introduce you to dj platforms like twitch
3. The DJ will create a Janet Jackson mix and live stream for you while you take a break on the treadmill, while wearing your $5 sandals from Hawaii and pajama pants from Target.

Jump roping in the living room!

Since sheltering in place, my husband and I have used the rooms and furniture in our house to serve multiple purposes. We learned that since we are staying home more and more, we’d have to make adjustments to how we live. Now, rather than fighting the sheltering in place and sulking, which we did for a few weeks, we realized that life couldn’t stop just because we can’t go outside.
One of the ways we have adjusted is utilizing our dining room table. For the first few months of sheltering in place it was no longer where we ate our meals, but it was used as our puzzle table and my sewing station. But now, for five days out of the week, my husband uses it to set up his dj equipment for his daily live stream. He hops on Twitch or Instagram and hosts a thirty minute mix to an average of 20- 40 viewers, Monday- Friday, with an occasional live stream over the weekend. Part of the table is reserved for his laptop, mic stand and speaker, which we still eat next to. At our feet, under our table, and on top of our area rug is where he stores his controller, cables and plugs that I’m careful not to kick or step on while eating our meals.
My office also serves multiple purposes. I have a meditation pillow, my sewing desk and now my stand up desk that I use for work. This room was once my writing room, but now that I’ve been working from home, it’s difficult for me to separate work like from my personal life. I can’t seem to write at my desk because now it’s where I have a set up for zoom calls and my work laptop where I am constantly preparing documents for work. Now, I’m learning to enjoy writing my stories and blogs in other places in the house like on the couch, in bed and at the dining table.
We have also found ways to work out at home. Behind our couch is a treadmill that I use a couple times a week. I still enjoy jogging outdoors, but when sheltering began in March and facts were still unknown about COVID, my husband and I found ways to work out in doors. I did workouts via zoom in the bedroom and a few times my husband used the living room to jump rope! Thankfully we have very patient neighbors below us, so we haven’t had a complaint.
Carrying on with our hobbies and finding ways to still do them indoors hasn’t been easy. Our house is cluttered, space is limited and it feels like my husband and I are living on top of each other. And even though we clean our house regularly, no matter how much we sweep and vacuum it doesn’t take away the agglomeration and clutter of DJ equipment, jump ropes, exercise equipment, books that occupy our space. Yet there’s something very comforting and satisfying knowing that in a two bedroom condo, within 800 square feet, between two people with unique personalities, there’s a dedicated place, within steps of each other to sew, to jump rope, to play music, to meditate, to read, to write, to eat, and to sleep. We’ve definitely adapted and will continue to do so, but sometimes when I walk from room to room, it’s hard to imagine ever needing a reason to leave.

Follow my hubby’s jump rope journey here: Mel Got Jumped https://www.instagram.com/mel_got_jumped/

Follow his deejay account here: DJ Mel SF https://www.twitch.tv/djmelsf

My hubby jumping in our living room

My former writing desk that I now use for work

Our dining table that my husband uses to DJ his live streams

the treadmill and jump ropes we use to work out

my sewing table in my office

our home that serves multiple purposes