I read or possibly heard somewhere that every marriage can define their own rules. Since no one was given a handbook or given the wisdom and secrets to a healthy marriage, it’s safe to assume that no one has the perfect or flawless situation. I believe the pandemic, sheltering at home, living on top of each other has exasperated this idea even more. Some say that having time apart is natural and is a healthy way to maintain, rekindle, ignite the spark. Others argue that time away is dangerous- that sooner or later you’ll get accustomed to the distance and will remain distant. I don’t know which argument is true, but my hubby and I are currently trying it.
In the past, we had time apart for legitimate reasons- work, family, emergency. It was never by preference. We always preferred, wanted, to come home, nightly to each other. If hubby had to travel for work, I requested that he take the flight right after work, not the next morning. If I had to visit family, I would make sure to come home, never extending my stay more than I needed to. We always had a purpose for being apart, and we knew that the time away from one another was harder on the person staying home, so we never tried to make it worse.
Over the weekend, the word “space” was brought up and we decided to take action and plan for space this week. The arrangement I proposed was that I would stay home this week and hubby can stay at his parents’ house for a few days. Next week will be my turn. I will stay at my parents’ house while hubby stays home.
What will I do at home alone for a few days?
Nothing grandiose. I do like the idea of stillness and quietness. Having the TV on less. Reading more.
I don’t know how long this arrangement will last. Who knows if we will even enjoy it. But I think it’s worth exploring, even if it seems strange to other people. I’m not excited or sad about the temporary situation. I’m curious and hopeful that every couple can decide, together, what is best for them.
I haven’t followed DMX’s career in a while nor have I listened to his music, but serendipitously, about a month ago, I brought up his name and his song for one of my assignments for my TESOL certification program. The class was called Teaching Listening and Speaking to English Learners and the assignment was about pronunciation. We were asked to give an example of a lesson we did with our students regarding sounds and tongue placement. Many people may or may not know this but in some Asian countries, such as Japan, there is no /r/ sound. Speakers of Mandarin, Japanese, and Korean often have difficulty making the distinction between the /r/ and the / l / sounds of English. Instead of pronouncing the word ‘arrive’, for example, we may think that a Japanese speaker is pronouncing ‘alive’, substituting the / l / for the /r/. One way of helping students to make the distinction between these two sounds is to tell them that the / l / sound is made with the tip of the tongue touching the tooth ridge while the /r / sound is made with the tip of the tongue touching no part of the mouth. In my lesson I explained how I would use DMX’s 2000 song “Rough Riders’ Anthem”. Musically, it’s a mesh between rock and roll and rap. The unique sounds, lyrics and chorus are about being powerful, who I liked to equate it to learning English. In the lyrics, it states “Rough riders roll”, so the /r/ and / l / sound are pretty close together, so it was pretty neat to see the students attempt to do this in a fast pace. They loved it and also loved DMX. You never know how music will influence life. I don’t think when DMX wrote that song that it would a model for a group of Japanese learning English, especially the /r/ and /l / sounds. But it did. And in their demeanor and their swag, in their posture and tongue, they definitely embodied DMX’s anthem. Ruff ryders roll !!!!
LYRICS
DMX: UH
DMX: Sumtin’ new
Stop,Drop Shut ’em down open up shop OOOOHHHHH! NNNNNNNOOOOO! That’s how Ruff Ryders Roll (2x)
~1 DMX~ Snitches wana try (what) Snitches wana lie (what) Snitches wonder why (what) Snitches wana die (what) All I know is pain (what) All I feel is rain (what) I cannot maintain (what) With maddness on my brain (what) I resort to violence (what) My killers move in silence (what) Like you don’t know what our style is (what) New York killers the wildest (what) My dogz is wit’ it (what) You want it come and get it (what) Took it then we split it (what) Damn right we did it (what) What the F you gon’ do (what) When we run up on you (what) You messin’ wit’ da wrong crew (what) You don’t know what we gon’ through (what) I’m gon’ have to show (what) How easily we blow (what) When you gon’ find out there’s some mo’ (what) That’s runnin’ with yo (what) There’s nuthin’ we can’t handle (what) Break it up and dismantle (what) Light it up like a candle (what) Just cuz I can’t stand you (what) Put my ish on tapes (what) Like you bustin’ grapes (what) Think you holdin weight? (what) Hey you haven’t met the apes (what)
Stop,Drop Shut ’em down open up shop OOOOHHHHH! NNNNNNNOOOOO! That’s how Ruff Ryders Roll (2x)
~2 DMX~ Yo is ya’ll people crazy (what) I’ll bust you and be swazy (what) Stop actin’ like a baby (what) Mind yo’ bizness lady (what) Nozey people get it too (what) When you see my spit at you (what) You know I’m tryin’ to get rid of you (what) Yeah I know it’s pitaful (what) That’s how killers get down (what) Watch my killers spit rounds (what) Make you suckas kiss ground (what) That’s for talkin’ ish, clown (what) Oh you think it’s funny (what) Then you don’t know me money (what) It’s about to get ugly (what) Whateva dog, I’m hungry (what) I guess you know what that means (what) Come up off that green (what) pry niggaz offa me (what) Don’t make it a murder scene (what) Give a dog a bone (what) GGGGGRRRRRR! Leave a dog alone (what) GGGGGRRRRRR! Let a dog roam (what) and he’ll find his way home (what) GGGGGRRRRRR! Home of the brave (what) My home is a cave (what) And yo I’m a slave (what) to my home is the grave (what) I’m gon’ pull papers (what) It’s all about the papers (what) Chickens talkin’ the paper (what) And now thay wana rape us (what)
Stop,Drop Shut ’em down open up shop OOOOHHHHH! NNNNNNNOOOOO! That’s how Ruff Ryders Roll (2x)
~3 DMX~ MAN! Look what you done started (what) Ask for it and you got it (what) Had it should of shot it (what) Now yo’ dearly’ departed (what) Get at me dog that I rip ish (what) With this one here I flip ish (what) ziggas know when I kick ish (what) Gon’ be some slick ish (what) What was that look for (what) When I walked in the door (what) Oh you thought you was raw (what) BOOOM! not any more (what) Cuz now you on the floor (what) Wishin’ you never saw (what) Me walk through that door (what) With that 4 4 (what) Now it’s time for bed (what) 2 mo’ to da head (what) Got the floor red (what) Yeah that magget’s dead (what) Another unsolved mystery (what) It’s gon’ down in history (what) n***** ain’t ever did ish to me (what) b**** @$$ ziggans can’t get to me (what) Gots to make a move (what) Gotta point to prove (what) Gotta make ’em groove (what) Got ’em all like oooo (what) So ’til the next time (what) You hear this dog ryme (what) Try to keep yo mind (what) On gettin’ (uhhh) and crime (what)
Stop,Drop Shut ’em down open up shop OOOOHHHHH! NNNNNNNOOOOO! That’s how Ruff Ryders Roll
Today was my second day of bootcamp work out. I thought of every excuse not to go: I already walked for 30 minutes this morning; it’s so difficult to breath and work out indoors wearing a mask, technically I wasn’t wasting any money because I have a week-long free membership, which expires on Sunday. Yet with my sister’s probing, I went. Besides, the class is only 50 minutes, and it’s so close to my house; can walk there in under 5 minutes.
As soon as the workout began, I already wanted to give up. My breath was labored; my heart rate was at in the optimal zone and my legs felt like jello. Then I noticed this very striking woman. I don’t know if it was her svelte physique, her matching workout outfit or her sleek and shiny hair wrapped in a tight pony tail. I noticed her form, her pace and her effort. All of it was very admirable. And then she turned around, and she didn’t have a left arm. She seemed to be my age or maybe a few years younger. I thought about what could have happened. Then I realized that this woman had a very valid reason not to be here. But here she was making it work. I thought if I, a fully abled person, with just a minor disability of asthma, could work out unequivocally with no excuses then I have no reason to complain. Watching a one armed person do box jumps, and modifying works out such as swinging kettle bells and throwing weight balls are reasons for me to stop finding excuses and starting finding inspiration.
Growing up, my interest in cooking was marred by my mother. As a self- trained chef and baker, everything my mother cooked was naturally delicious. It was very difficult to cook anything under her shadow. Compared to her, my dishes came out under seasoned, under done, under cooked. And because my mom didn’t have recipes and relied on her instincts, I was very intimidated with cooking.
It wasn’t until I discovered youtube that I became more comfortable with cooking. My confidence in the kitchen increased when I watched youtube shows like Laura Vitale, Panglasa Pinoy and Chef John. With video, I could easily follow along and replay if I was confused.
Tomorrow, I will be at my mom’s house for Easter and we all decided to bring a dish. When it comes to cooking Filipino dishes, my skills have been mediocre. To me, certain Filipino cooking requires an intermediate to advance level of cooking, where as I’m still performing at the beginner. By with faith and youtube, I attempted a Vegan Pancit Canton recipe and made it today. It will be the dish that I bring to my mother’s tomorrow.
My husband, my taste tester, said it was delicious. I’ll say my mother’s reaction will be true testament. Stay tuned!
I grew up on Black television. I watched shows like the Cosby Show, A Different World, In Living Color, Martin, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Living Single, and years later, when I reflect on that time in my life, two shows that inspired me were A Different World and Living Single. I imagined that when it was time for me to attend college, I would live in the dorms like Dennis while attending classes taught by obscure teachers and hanging out with friends at the Pit. Then when I graduated, I would live in New York, similar to Khadeja James who was the owner of Flavor magazine I imagined. I too, could be a writer and live with my friends in an opulent townhouse in Manhattan.
The reality is my life was nothing close to the TV shows. I attended college in San Diego and lived off campus. I moved about 5 times and by the time I graduated, I lived four blocks from the beach and could walk to the strip of bars and restaurants with my two blond roommates from the OC. My professors didn’t seem worldly at the time, as English professors, their teaching styles were mostly lecture while students mostly listened, with the one exception. I had a teacher who had big curly brown hair and we read books by different authors on color, including Michele Serros who has been a formidable literary role model to me. I didn’t have much of a campus life- most of the people I spent time with were from Los Angeles or my home town ( they visited me often). And the entire time I was in San Diego, I was in a long distance relationship with a boy from my home town. I always wondered what would have happened if made other decisions like joining a sorority, breaking up with my boyfriend, spending more time exploring the campus rather than rushing home and talking to my boyfriend on the phone. Had I done this, would I have lived a life closer to what I had envisioned when I watched A Different Word. Maybe. But the greatest lesson I thought that would have the biggest impact on me would be moving to a city and not knowing anyone. Turns out, the greatest lesson was moving to a new city and loving someone 600 miles away.
Sheila E. Navarro 