We broke up

Today, I wrote one of the most difficult emails to write: I had to tell my writing group I was leaving our group.

For some, this may not seem like a daunting task. But for me, breaking up with a writing group is akin to breaking up with a very serious partner. I was with my writing group for almost a year: we weathered difficult seasons, rain or shine we met once a month at the SF Public Library, we wrote through tears and tough conversations; we wrote during the onset of sheltering in place, a global pandemic and social unrest. In a short time, we went through a lot. 

Just recently, my writing has taken a different direction. I’m not sure how to even describe it, and when i’m ready, i will share it on this blog. I just know that as I continue to write my way through new terrain, I’m at peace knowing that no one will read this raw, imperfect, unedited material but me. There’s so much freedom in that. Not to suggest that my writing group wasn’t a positive experience. It was! I learned so much from my partners and they pushed me to be a better writer. They offered their support with a gentle, kind hand, even when I knew they could be much harsher. Instead, they encouraged me through good, but even more important, through “bad” writing. But as I find my new voice in my new writing, I know I want to experience this undisturbed and really immerse myself in the process. I’m scared, but I think it will be good for me because I have never written “alone”. There was always a writing group I could count on to offer feedback. 

In time, I hope I will be ready to share and accept feedback. I hope it’ll be with the same group. I didn’t express this in my email because I have to accept the possibility that they might not be willing to work with me again. I hope that is not the case. But I understand if it is. 

I will miss reading my group’s stories and chatting about our life updates.  I’m saddened that it is my fault that we won’t be able to continue as a trio and have years, decades of meeting together once a month as I had originally envisioned. But I know this decision, although very difficult, is the best for me at this time.

My new work needs my full attention, and I am committed in providing that, however difficult and different.

 

This seems a little over the top, but based on my mood, i thought i’d accompany today’s post with some of my favorite break up songs:

Boys to Men “End of the Road”

 

Boys to Men “How do I Say Goodbye To Yesterday?”

 

Amy Winehouse “Back to Black”